Bobcat
Founding Member
> History 101
>
> For those that don't know about history, here is a condensed version:
>
> Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
> hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the
> summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the
> winter.
>
> The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
> beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man
> to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and
> together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two
> distinct subgroups:
>
> 1. Liberals; and
> 2. Conservatives.
>
> Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning
> of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented
> yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to
> be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages
> were formed.
>
> Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at
> night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is
> known as the Conservative movement.
>
> Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
> off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing
> the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
> Liberal movement.
>
> Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest
> became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements
> include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy,
> group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to
> divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
>
> Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
> powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized
> by the jackass.
>
> Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
> white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their
> beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal
> fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women
> have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers,
> personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group
> therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule
> because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
>
> Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and
> still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters,
> rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical
> doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines,
> airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively.
> Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to
> work for a living.
>
> Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers
> and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
> are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals
> remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They
> crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying
> to get more for nothing.
>
> Here ends today's lesson in world history:
>
> For those that don't know about history, here is a condensed version:
>
> Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
> hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the
> summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the
> winter.
>
> The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
> beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man
> to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and
> together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two
> distinct subgroups:
>
> 1. Liberals; and
> 2. Conservatives.
>
> Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning
> of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented
> yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to
> be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages
> were formed.
>
> Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at
> night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is
> known as the Conservative movement.
>
> Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
> off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing
> the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
> Liberal movement.
>
> Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest
> became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements
> include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy,
> group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to
> divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
>
> Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
> powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized
> by the jackass.
>
> Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
> white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their
> beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal
> fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women
> have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers,
> personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group
> therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule
> because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
>
> Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and
> still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters,
> rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical
> doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines,
> airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively.
> Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to
> work for a living.
>
> Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers
> and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
> are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals
> remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They
> crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying
> to get more for nothing.
>
> Here ends today's lesson in world history:
