Texts From Last Night

[MacGyver]

(604):
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"

 

[MacGyver]

(732):
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.

 

[MacGyver]

(573):
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.

 

[MacGyver]

(215):
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be ****ed. No one's worth all that bull****. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.

 

[MacGyver]

(901):
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.

 

[MacGyver]

(978):
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card

 

[MacGyver]

(847):
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than ****ing your roommate.

 

[MacGyver]

(860):
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.

 

[MacGyver]

(616):
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.

 

[MacGyver]

(551):
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK

 

[MacGyver]

(540):
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride

 

[MacGyver]

(931):
I'm not sure where but someone s h i t somewhere in the house

 

[MacGyver]

(415):
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.

(420):
I'll be there in 10 minutes.

 

[MacGyver]

(303):
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas

 

[MacGyver]

(804):
why weren't you at the audition last night?

(1-804):
booty call before role call

 

[MacGyver]

(858):
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"

 

[MacGyver]

(708):
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"

 

[MacGyver]

(786):
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way

 

[MacGyver]

(904):
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.

 

[MacGyver]

(706):
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?