Wednesday Witticisms

[Ratickle]

Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

Prevent inbreeding: ban country music.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

Spotted owl taste just like chicken.

Hang up and drive.

Happiness is a belt-fed weapon.

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

Snatch a kiss, or vice versa.

I don't have to be dead to donate my organ.

WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition.

This would be really funny if it wasn't happening to me.

 

[Ratickle]

I have the body of a god... Buddha!

I get enough exercise pushing my luck.

Auntie Em- Hate you, hate Kansas, taking dog. Dorothy

If you don't like the news, go out and make your own.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep

Guns don't kill people... but they make it real easy.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather ... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Tow-ers will be violated

If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

 

[Ratickle]

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.

I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.

Sex on television can't hurt you... unless you fall off.

 

[rschap1]

 

[old377guy]

words to live by

 

[Ratickle]

There were a couple I really liked, these two I can relate to...

If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

This would be really funny if it wasn't happening to me.

 

[clayinaustin]

I didn't claw my way to the top of the food chain so that I could eat vegetables!